life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
