I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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