There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
