How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
