My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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