I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
