Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
