i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
