I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
