im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
