I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
