i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
