Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
