I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
