How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
