So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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