He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
