Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Randomize
