the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
