So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
