the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Houston, we have a squirter
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
