Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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