i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
