We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
