apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
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