my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
