i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
