We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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