new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
