i'm signing you up for texting rehab
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
