I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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