I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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