I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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