my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
