You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
