Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
