pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
