Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
