Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
