operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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