you guys were way drunker than both of me
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
