Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
