I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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