Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
