did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
