Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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