SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
