Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
