We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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