I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
honey bunches of taint.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
