We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I AM VODKA MAN
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Why did my mother make you get naked?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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