I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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