I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
